On the Verge of Death

I don't remember when I first saw a Parrot Tulip; it was that long ago. Painted on a black background - yellow and red. Not sure where. The image burned into my mind. Bold, striking, feminine and delicate - and as a tom boy, it was everything I was not. 

I once saw a poster which said: 

"Don't worry about the time you have to invest to live your dreams - time passes anyway". 

I thought back to the time I had wanted a flower shop. All because of my love affair with Parrot Tulips.  They are not my favourite flower by any stretch, just the one I remember most. 

And knowing that time passes regardless of circumstance, today I signed the lease on my new flower shop where amongst the Parrot Tulips, Anemones and Ranunculus, Amanda will hang her work -  image upon image of flora and fauna immortalized at a time of her choosing. 

Today we changed the stationery from the iconic Parrot Tulip (that still graces our van) and switched to the new branding that is already present on our blog and website.  And a little part of me died. 

I have learned a tremendous amount since starting Petals eleven years ago. About owning a business, about managing people, about life, about myself. 

If you ask Amanda what her favourite flower is, she'll tell you: Tulips on the verge of death. There is something so incredibly graceful about tulips as they die.  Each flower spreads their petals wide as if asked "How much do you love me?" Ever expanding as if to hold on, somehow, to their last breath. In doing so, their petals become translucent. As as they fade, their beauty becomes a memory of how they lived.

I am no longer a tom boy, eschewing mud pies for mud packs. I will be 50 in a few months and like every woman I know, I wish to age gracefully. That my face will reflect a kindness, with laughter lines reflecting a life that has been lived.  My eyes, without guile, an insight to my soul.  Yet the tom boy, almost forgotten, wants me to be strong and striking like the parrot tulip that always caught my eye.  For people to see in me an energy that comes from a happiness within. To have an inner beauty as each day draws me closer to death.    ...njb